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i was never your girlfriendi've been drinking and
taking pills and smoking again
in an attempt to drown you
out of my body in smoke or
alcohol or poisons, hoping you
are a hazy exhale or the
bile i throw up at night.
but you are always there in
the morning when i wake, as
the first thought in my mind
and the tears in my eyes
and the constant headache.
if words meant anything to monstersi fell in love once and
it ended almost as soon
as it began. the relationship
broke when someone new
paid you any attention.
my feelings dragged on for years i spent
years crying in bed crying love
me, love me, love me but my love
remained unrequited. we fought
we fucked i promised i'd never leave
you promised you'd never leave
but you left and death
has long since touched me deep
inside. it has replaced the blood
in my veins with despair and the air in my lungs
i breathe seconds, months
years of regret, until i can't
exhale at night without choking.
the bright days are done
and i am for the dark
to suffer alone, with blackness in my heart
the way you left
me, the way you wanted me
forever lost, eternally tormented
poetic math.i like to (4x²y + 3x) + (-3x²y + 2x)
put some things where they 4x² + 3x + (-3x²y) + 2x
don't belong. x²y + 5x
and i like (3x³ - 9x²) + (-4x³ + 3x²)
the way your hair shines x³ - 6x²
all the time.
i want to trace
addict.this is silly.
i am trying to inject
my feelings into you
and it's more like
"just take it."
but you do not want to.
you do not want this
poison in your veins.
you learned how to
just say no.
just say no to love.
i am the addict
in this brutal scenario-
i got loveholics anonymous meetings
every thursday at eight.
"you better leave
with your heart in your chest
not on your sleeve."
but i never do.
i got syringes in the car
and my stupid fucking
with spongebob and clouds-
ready to overdose on love.
i wanna put your
blood in my veins for
just one night-
just one night and i
won't be lonely.
i want your blood
to be my blood so
once i could say
you were mine.
i like real drugs better
than love because
i can say you were mine,
but you would never
admit you were mine
and an unrequited high
keeps me just as broken.
I Was WrongYou are not a moon
or a brightly shining star
bringing beauty and fulfillment
to those who know you.
You are a sun,
bringing happiness to some
when you are there, anyway,
and sadness when you are gone.
But most importantly,
you are burning.
You are burning from the inside out.
And you're killing me with your radiance
and brilliant deception.
From the inside
And I think, one day,
you will burn me alive
just because you can.
But I still love you
when you're there, anyway,
and miss you
when you're gone.
You are my WonderlandHave you ever loved someone that you
should not love? Someone close to you,
who knows all of your secrets, and truths,
and lies. Someone who understands you in
anything, because you've spent thousands
of years together, lost in different eras,
because some part of you just knows
you belong. Except you are convinced
that you are two halves of a whole,
and she is convinced that she is for him
and him alone.
And it's unnerving.
And it's depressing.
And then she looks up at you with those
darling green eyes and you are so lost
for words, the only thing you can do is
swallow your tongue. And then you wish
she would pass that cigarette to you, so
you can taste her nicotine lips, and sit
on a mushroom that makes you shrink and
shrink and shrink and shrink and shrink.
Because she is your Alice;
she is your Wonderland story, and you
want to lay with her in daisies and play
with the stars. But that is only a dream
you have, because you share your
secrets but you don't share feelings,
and you nev
Oh, PillsThings don't always go the way you planned,
so relationships break and things get lost and
then you lose yourself, or whoever you thought
you were, or whoever you could have been.
So you take one pill to make your mood lighter,
and one pill to make the pain stop, and one pill
to make things hazy, and you take one pill for
your friends who died, and one for those dreams
you had, and one for those times your father
touched you in places he shouldn't have, and
you take one for those nights he came home
drunk, and used you as a punching bag, and
you take one pill for when your mom left, and
one for when you couldn't stop crying, and
you take one for when your best friend called
you ugly, and one for when people threw things
at you, and you laugh, and you cry, and then
you take one pill to make your thoughts stop,
and then you're gone,
then you're gone,
then you're gone.
Fly HighSometimes I wonder if
these pills are enough
to keep me here; keep
me safe and grounded.
I worry about the milligram
increase every few months.
"Fifty isn't doing it" they say
"A hundred isn't cutting it."
And when I return they
explain that I'm not
getting any better, that
this fucking depression
is just who I am.
So I go home and
let razors kiss these
sullen wrists, and
let more pills grace
these worn lips.
That's only a dream
I have though, and
when I explain it to
my psychiatrist, she
hands me another
prescription and says
Only now I think I know
exactly what she means.
the truth about growing up
1. It's easier when you don't think.
1. It starts early,
on a cloudy day when you recall
the 'childhood memories' of
two summers ago,
that's when you start your backslide into
2. On the bright side
you won't notice this until you're
good and ripe in age,
so maybe it doesn't matter
3. That tightness in your chest?
The feeling that you're not ready
to take on the rest of your life; it
4. It stews in the pit of your stomach
makes you doubt,
but there will be days when you look back
on the mountains you climbed -
the raging rivers you crossed -
and you'll have a sneaking suspicion you were
more prepared than you thought.
5. There's nothing like your own bed.
6. Laundry will never smell right
without mom's sweat and tears.
But you still have to separate lights from darks,
keep the zippers pulled tight
and the buttons unhooked.
7. There is comfort in your parents' presence.
8. Things change
the future gnaws and rips
Stranger's funeralUnder the clouds
Under the rain
Staring at the coffin
At a stranger's funeral
We're all alone
Feeling the storm
But not the pain
For he's but a stranger
And the graves around us
Are just there
Keeping us company
During this empty moment
CarolineYou loved the fire
of rogues -
imperfect men who shot up
the endings of the day
and drank down
too much beauty.
And like one of them,
you bellied with rebellion,
felt his tense seed
toil where women
and craved his notoriety.
Poor girl -
his verses won the day
and the call of words
was too fickle a lover
for any constant star.
Don't blame yourself -
are more attractive
and all poets are
LullabyHush, my baby,
Be still, don't cry.
Lay with me
A little while.
Close your eyes,
Slow your breath.
Hear your heart
Inside your chest?
Your heart is strong,
It guides you well.
Be sure to listen
To what it tells.
I hear him now,
Outside the room.
It won't be long,
He'll find us soon.
Now close your eyes,
Slow your breath,
And rest your head
Upon my chest.
AliveA ray of hope shines during the
Long restless hours
I keep enduring the task of
Vanquishing the darkness with the
Energy from the depths of my soul
STALKERYou cannot run from your past...
No strangled whisper,
No repentant plea of yours can escape these eyes.
For I have always been watching...
You believe yourself to be righteous,
But your actions have consequences!
You will not leave this place tonight,
Not while your heart remains beating.
And when you are worn from your escape;
When you are forced by exhaustion,
To shut those fevered eyes.
In your moment of weakness, I will arrive...
Justice will be served tonight,
Whilst the shadows dance with expectant glee!
You may forget what you have done,
But you will never be innocent...
WishCardLet the rays of the sun
Bring happiness and light into your house,
Let the sun bring you lovely gifts.
Let your heart's music free,
Let your smile to light up your face.
I wish you happiness and joy.
things to tell you before i leave for collegeto mrs hatcher:
i promise that one day i will write that poem you asked me for
(the only thing you ever asked me for)
and i will finally tell you that you deserve
so much more.
to mr. walker:
i promise that i will not pity you.
i promise that i will not envy you.
i promise that you will always be part of my forget-me-nots and marigolds.
i promise to always be grateful.
i promise to be careful.
i promise to be crazy.
i promise that i will remember what it feels like to be needed
and what it feels like to let someone who needs you down.
i promise that i will never resent you for asking for help
and that i will always be there when you do.
i promise that even sixty years from now,
i will not be surprised to find a letter from you in my mailbox.
i promise to always remember what it felt like to be young and crazy with you,
how scared and lonely we were.
i will remember that we both survived it,
and that we'll survive this, too.
silently leavinglook: snakes are not for cuddling.
pathological liars don't warm the nights.
it's ridiculous to think that you can be
a comfort food when all you are is poison.
a thriving hypocrite amongst flowers
never did the bed any goddamn good.
you can't be pretty pastels in a painting.
your flesh is decrepit, undulating with disease.
creepy-crawlies coming off of you in waves.
you are decomposing.
a stench so foul my eyes welt with tears.
your beauty has passed. i hope you understand.
i try to love you, but i just can't.
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Endorell-Taelos is very well known within the community for her selfless giving and gracious community spirit. Since joining DeviantART over seven years ago, Alicia has continued to make a positive impact on many deviants. Her helpful and thoughtful approach was one of her finest attributes when serving as a Community Volunteer, and this has continued throughout the many contests which Alicia provides on a regular basis. As we approach our Birthday celebrations, we can't... Read More